(OK, I skipped weeks two and three, but I'm back on track now.)
The Oops! school of cookery
Anyone can be a jolly good cook. The recipe is simple: one bushel of ability to bluff, and a good supply of cheese sandwiches.
Every potential culinary disaster is an opportunity for creative thinking. So what if the cake sank in the middle and resembles a moon crater? Fill the crater with cream and fresh fruit and say that's how you intended to make it. It worked for my grandmother, though the less said about her banana and mandarin jelly concoctions the better.
If you happen to put a pizza in the oven knowing you have to take it out at twenty past the hour, forgetting which hour will probably result in a black charred wheel that may once have resembled dinner. That's when the cheese sandwiches come in. "Anyway, cheese sandwiches are much healthier than pizza," you say, and follow it with a trip to the local fast food place for a dessert.
When the unthinkable happens, and you watch your date's carefully prepared dinner slide gracefully off the plate, hover in mid-air for a terrible moment, and smash into inedibility on the floor, you have your cheese sandwich. You also have the opportunity to prove your love by giving up your own dinner (still on the plate), and the chance to marry that date and spend (so far) nearly nine years of wedded bliss with him.
A few tips to minimise your cheese sandwich consumption:
- Use Fahrenheit, or use Celsius. Never use both in the same recipe.
- Set the timer, and clip it to your clothes to make sure you hear it.
- Always have a back up plan.
- Keep plenty of quick-to-prepare food around.
- Never tell anyone what you're making.
- Turn the oven on before you put the food in.
- Almost anything can go into a soup or stew.