(Posted to alumni mailing list, author unknown)
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Great Britain* great, (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only great country in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
* Amend as appropriate to the country of your choice, should you feel inclined to exercise such choice.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Note: The author is not responsible for any and all disquieting effects which may result from reading the seasonal greeting posted above. However, a neutrally ecumenical mood prompts us to allow you to forward copies to your most-favoured correspondents under the terms and conditions contained in the forwarded greetings.