In the prayer seminar at the Alpha conference, the speaker told the story of her daughter, who wanted a $2500 dress for a dance, she and her mother (the speaker) prayed, and God "gave" the dress to her at the price she could afford, $250. To show the girl "how much He loves her." Why does God answer such a trivial prayer, and ignore important ones? Like the prayers for the coroner to find out quickly why Alasdair died, so he could be buried, our prayers to be allowed by the INS to go England for the funeral, and my prayers for a job? I don't understand, and it hurts to feel ignored, when all around, other people pray and God answers them.
I am a Christian because I know is it true, and I know there is nowhere else to go. Most days I'm pretty sure I'd get turned away at Heaven's door, but there is nowhere else to go. Hubby said that's faith, but it's not what people glow about when God does wonderful things for them. How do you get faith? I can't create it out of nowhere. I don't know how. I can't magic up warm and fluffy feelings about God either. I believe despite the way I feel. Not that I'm an emotionless robot, but you get the impression from so many people that you have to feel passionately in love with Jesus the whole time, and that's not sustainable.
Then there's that other minor issue I have, associating "filled with/led by the Holy Spirit" with "about to stab me in the back big time, run, do not walk, away from this person, because it's going to get nasty." In a charismatic church, that's a problem.