Red Dwarf season five, episode "Quarantine," all about being trapped in a quarantine room for seven weeks by your worst enemy.
Lister: Guys! Just take it easy!
Cat: If he tells me to "take it easy" one more time, I swear I'm gonna turn his ears into a pair of maraccas and tap-dance a fandango on his throat!
Lister: I'm just sayin', there's 79 more days to go.
Kryten: And if you still want to be alive when there is only 78 more days to go, I suggest you do not blow your nose.
Lister: Do you mind if I ask why?
Kryten: Well, let's forego the noise and the revolting burbling sound, and go straight to the really gross part, when you always, and I mean always, having blown your nose have to open up your handkerchief and take a look at the contents. I mean, why? What do you expect to see in there? A Turner seascape, perhaps? The face of the Madonna? An undiscovered Shakespearian sonnet?
This seascape, "Sheerness as seen from the Nore," by Joseph Mallord William Turner, is currently in an exhibition in London, and belongs to Richard Green. It will not be appearing in anyone's handkerchief in the near future.